Who Killed The Goose That Wore The Red Hat?
~posted 12.31.2005
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I am reminded of a story from my youth about a three legged pig that rooted and ranted until the farm family awoke, just as their home was being consumed by fire. The pig’s exploits and heroism became widely known and soon a big city newsman showed up to do a human interest feature on the pig. Seeing him with just three legs, the newsman asked if the pig had lost a leg in the fire. Unimpressed by the newsman’s interest, the farmer replied dryly, ”Naw, we had ham for Thanksgiving.” Seeing the puzzled look on the reporter, he continued, ”seeing what he done for us, we just couldn’t bear to eat him all at once.”
In the same vein, I recall being told that if I wanted eggs for breakfast I should be careful which chicken I ate for dinner, to never drink from a creek, no matter how clear it looked, unless I was upstream from everyone else, and to never kill the goose that laid the golden egg. This last one was lost on me for a long time, having neither geese nor gold as a youth, but I remembered it anyway. As I set out in pursuit of a business career, I moved away from home grown eggs and drinking from creeks, but carried with me the goose and gold warning. No matter what my job or business, I was always careful to recognize the source of the income, and treat it like an endangered species.
For the last couple of years, ladies pursuing purple clothes and red hats have been an important source of income for my clothing company. They became the proverbial goose, except wearing a red hat. I knew enough to value them, protect my relationship with them, and do everything I could to see them prosper. We worked hard to clothe them as affordably as possible, entertain them with luncheons and parties, and, above all, have fun with them. But it has not been enough. Their numbers are dwindling before our eyes. Who, or what is killing the geese in the red hats?
First, I think it only fair to recognize that many should not have been ”geese” in the first place. When red hatting hit, it offered many women a chance to go out and have fun, without guilt. Women, some for the first time in their lives, realized that they had earned the right to have time for themselves, to do things of interest to them, and that there was more to life than just family, kids, and sporting events. That they could join in groups and share this freedom made it all the more rewarding. But some people joined groups because it was the thing to do, like any other fad. Let’s face it, some people shop at home improvement stores to make sure they’ll match the wall paper at what ever event they attend. They were never going to be comfortable in red hat attire once the novelty wore off. But since red hatting is about no rules, no plans, no cares, who are the rest of us to care? But, as a business person, I see less ”geese”.
The second species of red hatted goose that is disappearing faster than a spotted owl on a Republican hunting preserve, is the reluctant red hatter. She is the one in every group that joined only because a friend kept begging her to. This ”friend”, a third species called the ”do-gooder”, just knew that her reluctant counterpart needed some fun in her dismal life, and that it was her job to provide it. Little did she realize (or care) that although some reluctant hatters can survive in a fun-filled habitat, most must be mired in desperate circumstances to thrive. The reluctance to commit to self indulgence, even if just once a month, runs so deep to her core that she is unable to enjoy periods away from the burdens of her normal life. A tip off to her short term commitment to red hatting should have been her purchase of only one red hat, most likely a multifunctional toboggan or baseball cap, and her retreival of out of date periwinkle or eggplant clothing from the far end of her closet, in lieu of new trivial purchases for herself. Once again, I see less geese, but who am I to tell someone that they can’t be miserable if they want to?
It goes without saying that the next species of red hatter racing to extinction is the ”do-gooder”. With the failure of her attempt to raise up the downtrodden, and the realization that most every one else in her group is in absolutely no need of her help, she has no recourse but to move on to other causes du jour. Scoffing that red hatters don’t really do anything anyway, she reveals her true self and her inability to just enjoy the nontroubled company of others. Known for the damage she can do trying to make others miserable enough to need her, hers is a welcomed loss from most groups, but a loss just the same. Once again, less geese.
The cumulative effect of the loss of the above species by a group often results in additonal losses of otherwise healthy and thriving members. If they feel the least bit inadequate, and what woman has not been made to feel so at least once in her life, a perfectly good member may become disenchanted with the group for having lost the other members, even if they are better off without them. The convoluted logic goes that if the group is not good enough for the others, how can it be good enough for them. Are they not settling for less than the others did by staying? Discussions of this type should not occur in conjunction with group dinners, as the more sane and stable in the group will no doubt be likely to throw up. Reasoning with members prone to such thoughts will probably be fruitless, unless the fruit involved is grapes or their alcoholic derivative. The flock dwindles further.
There are others who have fallen by the wayside. Some were turned off by the cult atmoshere eminating from ”hatquarters”, or the ridiculous prices some vendors charged for anything purple. Some got disenchanted because their particular group never did anything, except eat. Many groups have ceased to operate at all for lack of numbers with which to do anything. Can there be anything more pathetic than one lone red hatter sitting joylessly eating cold fries at McDonalds? I think not. With so many extinctions occuring in one species can survival of the species be possible?
I think so. I have noticed cross-fertilization occuring in groups in our area. As Darwin would suggest is inevitable, the strong from any group can enpregnate other groups with a new spirit of red hatting that can assure survival of both groups. The important thing for those that really enjoy red hatting to remember, is that the time committed to hatting is your time, spend it as you see fit. And if others in your present group choose not to play anymore, take your red hat and go….find other red hatters that still know how to play. And find more geese, we still have lots of purple fabric we need to cut and sew.
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